Women Are the Richer Sex -- the Back Story Behind Those Headlines
By Barbara Stanny
Heard the latest? The media’s all aflutter over a new book by Liza Mundy, “The Richer Sex.” Even Time magazine‘s latest cover exclaims: “Women are overtaking men as America’s breadwinners!!”
Naturally, I’m thrilled. But what’s really newsworthy is not so much what women are achieving, as how they are doing it.
As I wrote in my last blog, many of these women are playing a very different game, rewriting the rules rather than enduring the established ones. I call this game Sacred Success®.
Today and in upcoming blogs, I’ll share some of the new rules of Sacred Success®. As you’ll see, this is not your father’s workplace anymore!
During my interviews with High Earners, one tenet, in particular, was especially noteworthy. I call it the Rule of Self Respect.
Audre Lorde once said: “I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.”
To which the women I interviewed would surely add: “Caring for myself is an act of self respect, the motivation for achieving financial success and essential to living a quality life.”
In other words, these women are refusing to buy into—or catching themselves when they do—a punishing work ethic that requires personal sacrifice in exchange for monetary gain, unwilling to push themselves unmercifully, as many of their male colleagues were doing.
“A few years ago I saw I wasn’t very nice to myself,” a woman in the financial industry told me. “I was pushing myself way too hard, putting in insane hours, doing all this volunteer work. But I wasn’t taking care of myself. I decided to slow way down. I took the time to think about what really mattered in life.” As a result, she said, “I have learned to take care of myself.”
That same message echoed through almost everyone’s story. At some point in their journey, they literally stopped and realized, as this entrepreneur who created a $100million company did, “I needed to grow myself as a woman, not just a business person. I needed to pamper me, take care of me. If you can’t be good to yourself, you can’t be good to your employees, and they will leave you and go to someone else.”
Self respect, by definition, means being good to yourself for the sole reason that you revere your worth and demand your dignity.
Women are doing it differently
As I wrote in my last blog, many of these women are playing a very different game, rewriting the rules rather than enduring the established ones. I call this game Sacred Success®.
Today and in upcoming blogs, I’ll share some of the new rules of Sacred Success®. As you’ll see, this is not your father’s workplace anymore!
During my interviews with High Earners, one tenet, in particular, was especially noteworthy. I call it the Rule of Self Respect.
Audre Lorde once said: “I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.”
To which the women I interviewed would surely add: “Caring for myself is an act of self respect, the motivation for achieving financial success and essential to living a quality life.”
In other words, these women are refusing to buy into—or catching themselves when they do—a punishing work ethic that requires personal sacrifice in exchange for monetary gain, unwilling to push themselves unmercifully, as many of their male colleagues were doing.
“A few years ago I saw I wasn’t very nice to myself,” a woman in the financial industry told me. “I was pushing myself way too hard, putting in insane hours, doing all this volunteer work. But I wasn’t taking care of myself. I decided to slow way down. I took the time to think about what really mattered in life.” As a result, she said, “I have learned to take care of myself.”
That same message echoed through almost everyone’s story. At some point in their journey, they literally stopped and realized, as this entrepreneur who created a $100million company did, “I needed to grow myself as a woman, not just a business person. I needed to pamper me, take care of me. If you can’t be good to yourself, you can’t be good to your employees, and they will leave you and go to someone else.”
Self respect, by definition, means being good to yourself for the sole reason that you revere your worth and demand your dignity.
These women adhered to this Rule in a myriad of ways—by honoring their needs, ignoring the ‘shoulds,’ living their values, managing their money, valuing their time, setting strong boundaries, pursuing personal growth and treating themselves to all sorts of indulgences.
As many discovered, disregarding the Rule can have dire results. Without self respect, the fire in their belly often fizzled into burn out or breakdown…while their desire to help others disintegrated into co-dependence, a disempowering condition that’s plagued women for centuries.
I was struck by how many of these women, often with their partners, took time to inventory their life, prioritizing what truly mattered, eliminating the unessential from their calendars.
As one woman declared: “I think it’s really important to take stock occasionally and remember why you’re doing all of this. At the end of the day, what’s really important? I am very clear on my priorities. So when balance sometimes gets out of whack, I focus on my personal priorities.”
They also understood that being a good steward of their money was a critical part of respecting themselves. It gave them the freedom to live on their own terms.
“I always wanted to make sure I had enough assets so I don’t worry and could live the life I want,” an executive said. “I saw working in a corporation that having financial security allowed me to say what I thought and make the right decisions, whether or not management agreed.”
Another I interviewed walked away from a million dollar paycheck to be a stay at home mom, at least for a while, because she had ample savings. “Quality of life is the most important,” she said. “I value my time and my happiness. I have my priorities straight. I know I can always make more money later.”
Bottom line, the goal of Sacred Success® is less about making more money than living a good life and leaving a legacy. Of course, obeying the Rule of Self Respect—which includes a healthy portfolio plus a generous dose of self care—is what makes that all possible.
If you’re intrigued by Sacred Success®, check out my East Coast Sacred Success® Retreat. Registration begins March 24th. It’s limited to only 25 women. I’d love to see you there.
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