I was just on a friend's Facebook page and saw she had shared a friend's status that went something like this- I like black people but it doesn't mean I hate everyone else. I am assuming her friend is black. This reminded me of a friend of mine (a black man) who recently said his potential mate would have to be a black woman. I dated a guy once who told me he would never date anyone but a black woman, (he is black). His reasons were admirable and to this day I have a lot of respect for him because of his position.

"Dating a Taiwanese Man"

You know when your mind says to do something you really should .

Now I was invited to dinner by a Taiwanese university professor, he seemed decent enough so I accepted. The day came and there was no excitement in fact I hardly got out of bed all day. Oh by the way the day is today lol. Let's continue.

It is hard at times to not blame others for our mistakes especially when so many people say - "Oh don't blame yourself, for what happened." Now don't get me wrong there are many, many situations in which we should not take the blame; situations in which something happens that we had no control over ( a freak accident perhaps...).

How Does Domestic Violence Against Black Women Usually Start?

Some of the most horrific cases of domestic violence against women often start off most innocently: he doesn’t want her to go to the club; he tells her what to wear; he sits outside her home.
Yet, those innocent, “cute” little beginnings too often graduate — or better yet, mutate — into something much more sinister, says Toni Roberts, a paralegal and project coordinator at the State Families Office in Atlanta, who helps abused spouses get restraining orders and find refuge. The issue of domestic violence impacts blacks, but cuts across all ethnic lines, all demographics, Roberts testifies.

The Five Relationships You Have Before You Find the One August 15, 2011 By Mr. Spradley


Behind every married man or woman there usually can be found a number of men and women who, at some point, thought they might be the one but were lost along the way. We rarely talk about these relationships, these stepping stones to the altar because ultimately, marriage is the holy grail of relationships; once one hits that pinnacle, everything that came before seems to pale in comparison. But those relationships deserve better because without them there’s a good chance we’d never have been able to recognize the real thing when we found it. Over the years, I’ve noticed that of all the different iterations of romantic relationships five stand out as the ones we have before we settle down. In today’s post I want to identify each and discuss why they’re important.

Sometimes the very thing we crave is the thing we try hardest to avoid .

A new job, a new home ,a new love, a new investment ...


It is

Why is it that whenever people decide to do good for their communities or fellow man most people start arguing about what the government isn't doing?

Recently my friend Elke had a Facebook status that basically said everyone wants to be seen as an over comer but no one wants anything to overcome.

How true is this?

Every time I hear a woman say this I get angry very angry, if all men are dogs then all women are what exactly?

I believe that there are two types of women who go around saying this...

For the original post click here:Veronica

A lot depends on why you broke up. Anytime there is a restraining order, no friendship can come.

Fifteen years of ex's under my belt, and very few have survived to become true friends.

But yes. Yes, after a considerable amount of time passes, after you have both really moved on, yes. Yes, you can be friends.

I say, the two big reasons why normal people that have had an average break up with no restraining orders, cant stay friends are:

"Remember how you save me now/from all of my wrongs"

I want to write of love but my inks stills

Cause we’re not in love you see but he loves me

And I love him

Except he hasn’t told me this

Have you ever looked at the weather forecast and go "this must be a joke!"? Here I am looking at the forecast for a particular city and there is a grey cloud with a thunder bolt through it and the sun peeping from the back.

What kind of day is that really?

This week on Facebook someone had up a status that went something like this- some of life's lessons are painful but boy do we learn .

At first I shook my head in agreement but then after I started thinking of times when I fell in the same hole twice.

Give thanks no matter how little you think you have. You will always have more than someone else, there will always be someone dying to walk a minute in your shoes.

So after seeing Paul Keens Douglas live for the first time in my life, fantastic show by the way, my girls and I went to a local bar and restaurant to just lime for a bit.

Sometimes things aren't what the appear to be; but how do you figure out what they really are?

Well the day started the minute my Japanese friend Daijiro wished me happy birthday (if you are a Westerner who is living or has lived in the East, and you love birthdays you know it is a two day affair- Eastern birthday + Western Birthday), please don't tell me I am the only person who does this.

We have all at one time or another had the opportunity to be someone's side squeeze, some of us have capitalized on it, some are capitalizing still, and some of us just never cared to be. 

What would make a woman become a side squeeze is not written down in any book of laws anywhere. There is no given person, situation or anything else; sometimes it happens and sometimes it does not.

What would make a woman opt not to be a side squeeze though is perhaps a bit clearer...a bit.

Yes yessssssss many times you turn on the television and get very close to dying of laughter because of what a guest, host, reporter...is wearing.

Many people who go on television or are regulars on television are still quite unaware of the fact that there are some things you simply should not wear on tv (the same for persons giving public lectures etc.). Yes you might look all the 'rave' or whatever the word being used now is on the street but on tv you simply end up looking like Bozo the clown. Be careful!

Clothes that are loud and confusing distracts your audience and believe you me nothing you say is heard.

I find the following suggestions quite helpful, hope you do too.

Myself & I...we got some figuring out to do...

Foolish me
Thinking that I could escape
This thing called
Your memory

Today my little nation was stunned by the news of a double murder, two women were shot dead in Campden Park.

One of these women, Ingrid Jack was my school mate.

Sweetheart;

I'll be you traditional wife. I'll cook, I'll clean (or at least try), wash your dirty clothes, iron them if you wish, take care of your children, help you entertain your friends, and of course entertain you too ;-).

Are you going to be my traditional husband?

Will you keep a level head at all times and seek God out in moments of doubt, and trust in him to give you the knowledge and the strength to keep our home together?

I am not a lesbian but seriously most men bore me... I am bored to tears.

I would like to find the principal of that 'man school' that keeps producing these clones, these drones that suck the very life and joy out of me sometimes.

Sometimes I write; but mostly I live
I write about hurts, joys, and sorrow, and although they might not all be mine..
They are real to me
So sometimes I write; but  I mostly live.

Some of us will always believe in the good in people, on any day we will be the first to say "But he/she isn't THAT bad".  We act as if we are the gate keepers  to anything good in our fellow men, and we are to always guard it no matter what.

I am reading the book "Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry- why women lose when they give in", by Lisa Bevere, it is taking me a while because job hunting is no easy task.

Anyhu here is a paragraph from the book I'd like to share with you.  From time to time I will share a few more.

"I was told stories of an abuse- so subtle you may mistake it as harmless: parents who watched movies filled with sexual promiscuity, innuendos, and often, partial nudity with their children in the shelter of their homes or beside them in the dark theatre. Young girls shared how uncomfortable they'd been watching this with their parents, especially with their fathers. They'd feel shame and fidget, then look at their parents and notice they weren't flinching.  After a few such movies or TV shows, they pushed the uncomfortable feelings away, buy were unable to see their parents in quite the same light.  It was as though by watching their father view the naked breasts of another woman presented in a sexually suggestive manner, their own virgin breasts had been uncovered. They left the experience feeling vulnerable and violated and not even knowing why."

Makes you think of a lot of things right?

Tonight I looked at the documentary "Motherland" hosted by the group Afrikan Heritage (in Saint Vincent and the Grenadines), and although some of what was depicted was not new information the documentary kept my attention and now has me doing further research...that's when you know something good. 

Like I said some tid bits I have heard before but I did learn quite a lot.

If you grew up in Saint Vincent and the Grenadines I am sure you are quite familiar with the expression " nah watch wha peeplo hav cause yo nah know how dem get e".  It is something you might have been told by your mother or some adult when you wanted that new .... one just like your friend's. 

It was a caution to many things-
To have an independent will
To be mindful of the finances within the home
To be thankful that you are being provided for despite...
To recognize that you must always try to live within your means and to understand your limitations
To be industrious and creative, learn to make what you have work for you

One of the good things about being gone for a bit and then resurfacing is that you get to see all your 'old fire sticks'.

Some you avoid talking to for too long, and some you laugh with as if you were never separated.

Yet another article I like. First time ever I have read about a 'missed miscarriage'
Miscarriage Facts

by Anai Rhoads
If you don't see your question here, look in "Grief and Loss's" frequently asked questions.
Intercourse, falling, and exercise does not typically cause a miscarriage. The fetus is well protected by the mother's bones and muscle as well as by the amniotic fluid. There is also no evidence that conceiving while taking birth control pills increases the risk of miscarriage. Becoming pregnant while using an IUD, however, does make you more likely to miscarry or develop an infection.
As many as 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, half of them before the woman even realizes she is pregnant. Fortunately, most women who miscarry, even more than once, can become pregnant again and give birth to a healthy baby.

 An interesting article I found a while ago...

Ignorance Does Not Equal Bliss When it Comes To Impotency

Impotency always seems to be a top conversation when it comes to men’s health, but what about the women in the situation? Erectile dysfunction is obviously tough for men to deal with, but that doesn’t mean they are the only ones coping with the effects of ED. Both the man and woman in a relation need to know and understand what the other is feeling.

When you are the first to speak out against the wrong doing of someone, or an institution it is never an easy battle to win.

An email I got today.


A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
 
 
 
 
 
     
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying A word.
 
 In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
 
 Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."  "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
 
 Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
 
 

It never ceases to amaze me when people are the main perpetrators of things they condemn.  Yes yes no one is perfect but jeez man some things just  a little too much.

Tonight five thirty something year old women sat around a kitchen table reminiscing on "Convent days", laughing, snickering and just having a good old time.

We always tend to crave the things that are bad for us. The day I discovered I was allergic to strawberries the strawberry cheese cake parfait at KFC was never more tempting; I found myself wrestling with the thought of buying myself one just so I could have a spoonful, not even the entire thing lol.

We all want to be nice, we want to be the one who stands up for the truth, who helps the little old lady with her shopping bag, the one who never gossips, who avoids conflicts, who doesn't procrastinate...

I am never the type to say "Who she, she just jealous me" because for as long as I have known myself there are two things I hold firm to:
1. According to my mother never be jealous of people because of what they have because you don't know how they got it and
2.I always say that what ever opportunity I have been blest with there is probably someone who could have done more with it.

Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" is one of the greatest songs ever made!!

It is a song that challenges us to do many things; educating ourselves and standing up for injustice are just two.

We are often placed in situations where we are to be an element of change, sadly many of us shy away from these opportunities because we are uneducated. I don't mean uneducated in the sense that we never went to school but in the sense that we are often unaware of the rights of others and ourselves.

Yesterday when I logged into my Facebook account one of the first posts that I saw was from cousin Jozelle: "Your period of 'testing' only ends when God's purpose has been accomplished...so if you are still going through it...hold fast, be strong, trusting that the end the Lord has in store is Perfect. Be blessed everyone."

There are few women who want to be everything like their mother's as much as we may admire these women in our lives many of us try our hardest to avoid being too much like them.

Most times we see our mothers as strong women, but we also see them as frail human beings who have made a few mistakes of their own; mistakes in career choices, men, the way they raised us or didn't raise us.  The amount of mistakes we can list I think tells more of our personal development than anything else.

So after years of growing my locks and taking great care in them this idiot from down the road is to turn to me and say I am jealous of his bongo and that my locs "don't have meaning".  Now being who I am I did not call him an idiot to his face but I feel the need to do so now because I don't care to be nice to people with such silly mindsets. I did, however, say to him "You can't tell someone there locks are without meaning; people have locks for different reasons. What is important to you might not be important to someone else" 

I am always amused at how those of us who refer to ourselves as Christians chastise others for wrong doings while committing a wrong as well...lol yes I am judging.

Nothing worth having comes easy, well some things do come easy, so for the most part nothing worth having comes easy lol

We all have our trials those moments when we want to give up because our journey seems only to get harder day after day.

There are two basic definitions of pride one is the satisfaction you get when you have accomplished something and the other has to do with when you think too highly of yourself. 

Author Unknown

Get your mammies grammed!

 This is hysterical!
Make sure you read the whole thing...

 This is a cute way to send "the message"!
There is a serious message at the end, but
you get to laugh on the way there.
Now go out and have your mammies grammed!

My glass is half full because I figure if I were to go around thinking it were half empty I would always be tracking down that person who drank half my glass, now if I think it is half full then my focus will be on attaining what is needed to make it full.  That's my take on it!

I got up this morning and did numerous searches on how to deal with negative people.  I really was looking for some sort of solution instead I ended with a bunch of suggestions that go 50/50 lol. So, here I am back at square one, but I have learnt that a few of the things I have been trying are wrong (hmm not sure how that works out when the things I can try or only effective SOMETIMES).

It is so much easier to give second chances to others than it is to give second chances to ourselves!

 The link below takes  you to a YouTube video where you can see Sherry-Anny Jones recite her poem "Autism Speaks-LISTEN".  She is a young Vincentian mother who is raising a handsome little boy who has autism.

 A poem by Vincentian poet Peggy Carr


COUNTRY TALK

I first named this "Best First" but I really wanted to name it "Vagina First" so I did.

I was just listening to my roomie's tales of the week and in the midst of one of her stories about girls in short skirts she goes; " Why would you introduce yourself vagina first; your vagina should be the last thing people meet about you". Veronique Bailey you crack me up sometimes you know!!

I was born in St Vincent and the Grenadines and when it comes to thinking of myself on an 'international' level I would always affirm I am a Caribbean Woman.

There are some whose search for an identity takes them back to 'Africa' for me

In St. Vincent and the Grenadines there is an old saying "damn fool ah talk but nah damn fool ah listen".  For those of you who might not understand our local dialect it is basically saying 'A fool is talking but the person listening isn't a fool as well'.

Sometimes we spend too much time asking "what if".  What if I do, what if I don't, what if I did say that,what if I hadn't said that. So many what ifs confuse us that for the most part we remain immobile...and of course that is followed by another what if. 

Sometimes you stop and realize that you have walked so far you can no longer see the point that you started from; but your journey isn't over because the road still stretches before you. 

So every now and then I get an email from someone on Facebook that begins : "Hi Sexy" or "Hi  beautiful".

It is so much easier to say I leave past hurts in the past than to actually do so.

We are all humans and it is possible to forgive someone for almost anything but it is near impossible to forget the actual thing itself.  You can forget someone stealing your pencil in primary school but it is not that easy to forget someone stealing the love of your life.

Once time has passed that is it; it is no more.  You will only make it worse if you sit around and build up anger because a relationship/friendship has gone sour.  I always say once you have given it your all then so be it; you've done good.  Life is like that you will meet people who are worth your time and people who aren't.  It is a far better thing to recognize when someone isn't and move on to someone who might be.  Yes indeed it is all about taking chances.  In the pursuit of happiness nothing gets placed in your lap.
 

It's amazing how everyone seems to know what will make you happy, isn't it?

You need a bigger house, come on you can't actually be comfortable in that three bedroom house.  And your car is that really the best you can do, I am sure you can find something flashier.  Let me not even talk about the shoe you are wearing it is probably the ugliest shoe I have ever seen.

by Ntozake Shange

somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
not my poems or a dance i gave up in the street
but somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
like a kleptomaniac workin hard & forgettin while stealin
this is mine/this aint yr stuff/

Happy Mother's Day that is all I have to say
To all the Mom's both near and far ;
Who give unconditional love every day!

Growing up a friend said to me once "you are just like your mother" and I remember being really upset but now a much older and a little wiser I really like when people say that. 

Often there are days when we feel as though we have come to a point of no return. Where all of life's demands come at once.  Tasks are many but time speeds on, we can only do so much in any one day.  Plan your time wisely!

My Uncle once said to me "Dri generalize before you specialize". 

It is something that I have always stuck with and it is something that I share with young girls all the time, because at the time I was youngER lol and I guess it was his way of warning me about rushing into a relationship that was beyond my years.

Peggy Carr is a Vincentian mother/poet/media worker/author who lives and works in Taipei, Taiwan.

The general concept here is that an ancestor comes back from the past and laments the loss of cultural traditions and values in the Caribbean. The "jumbie" pleads for a return to good old Caribbean roots and values.


LONG TALK
(from a Vincy jumbie)
By Peggy Carr

The truth about ourselves is never palatable.

Today I had cause to think about this, and it made me chuckle a bit, maybe it was me being mean I don't know.  So there I was dealing with an incident that escalated simply because someone couldn't man up and deal with me 'head on'; so to speak. I always figure that the best way to deal with situations is to battle them yourself, it is not about creating a confrontation but simply a matter of being woman or man enough to defend your position.  Of course we will all differ on this.

"The joker's response"

Strange this cold that lingers over me
Consuming me refusing to let go
Forces me to stand still
Eyes open wide
Heart racing
Mind weaving through years and years of
confessions, love exchanges, heart breaks, new romances

There is an old saying that goes "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail". 

For years I struggled with writing essay plans simply because I did not seem them as important. I write, give me pen and paper and the words flow; I write.  Then a few years ago I decided to do an essay plan just for the heck of it, I still can not finish writing out an entire plan but I must say I prefer the way my essays 'shape up' after I have written a plan. The other good thing is, if I am distracted by the TV, hunger, or the urge to sleep :-) my thoughts are already on paper so it is easy for me to pick up where I left off.

There I was sitting on the bus with about 5 other persons, when in comes a blind man, he feels for the over head hand bar grabs on to it and stands there...an old lady comes in takes the seat in front of him looks at him and then turns around.  So I sat there looking at this man standing in an empty bus and to me the most logical thought came to mind-he does not know the bus is empty.  I sat there and I continued thinking perhaps he does this all time and because it is far easier to stand than to feel the chair to find out if someone is in it.  The guy in front me is reading, and the other people on the bus just seem to be looking out for their stop.  I am shifting restlessly now finally I did something,

Growing up I was told to never call someone stupid so now that I am older I tend to be 'smart' about the way I do it; for instance I sometimes asks "Are you sure that is what you want to say" or I just give them the 'I think that was really stupid' look.  When I do this I don't feel too badly and I guess they don't feel too stupid, or maybe they do, I don't know.

Friends are the people who do not allow you to walk around with cold in your eyes and lettuce in your teeth.

Have you ever gone to the bathroom mirror smiled and noticed a piece of lettuce stuck neatly between two teeth in your front row and say; " I can't believe no one told me I had food in my teeth"? Then you start thinking of how many persons must have seen it and said nothing, and then you become embarrassed beyond measure . At some point in your life this has happened to you or it will happen to you, it is a good opportunity to decide who really has your best interest at heart.

Dame Mary Eugenia Charles, Prime Minister, lawyer, politician and journalist who died in Martinique on Tuesday 6 September 2005 was born May 15, 1919 at Pointe Michel village on the south-west coast of Dominica.

When was the last time you actually stopped and literally "smell the roses"?

Today on my walk home from the night market I had paused for a few seconds to look at a flower I had never really noticed before but it must have been there for a while because it was a big plant. Two plus years I have lived on this street and I have never seen that flower. So I stood there for a bit just looking the the plant in all its glory, then I walked on some more and with every few steps there was another wonder in front me.

A friend of mine told me recently if you don't find a man where you are don't bother coming home to look for one, but it seems that there is a hardly anywhere left to look for all around the world women are saying the same thing, 'there are no men available".

Many of us spend most of our time getting our minds in shape; books, television, the internet we ingest it all.  Pity we don't spend as much time getting our bodies and souls in shape. 

Total fitness should be our goal mind, body and soul.

The Blue Ribbon- Against Child Abuse


The month of April is Child Abuse Prevention Month

Child abuse is nothing new to any of us, for some it has been or is a situation that is quite 'real'. 

The more I clean the more messy it  becomes.

I am here trying to get my room sorted, I will soon have to put away the winter clothes and seeing that I only have about 3 months left here in Taiwan I decided to just start sorting my room now.

Last night I was hanging out with some of my Caribbean sisters here in Taiwan; ladies from Nevis, St Lucia and my home- St Vincent.

Well you know how these conversations among women go, you talk a bit about careers, family, men, new trends (attitude, fashion...) and almost any other thing you can think of.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the
midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere
the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,
your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears
and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new
eyes. This is your awakening.

So last night while working on my thesis I tried emailing a copy to my hotmail account. I did this because I figure it is always best to save any file in multiple locations. While attempting to open the file I got a message saying the file was "corrupt". Ok I dismissed that closed hotmail and then went to open the file from my external hard drive itself, new message "file path disabled" or something along this line. Well panic began to creep in I spent close to 3 hours trying to open this file before I went to a tech shop...got to the shop the guy spent an hour or so and couldn't get the file opened.

http://dynateck.com/globalhighlights/luzette.html

Facts- that which has been proven
Assumption-that which could possibly one day be a fact but is yet to be proven
Integrity- that inner quality that drives us towards honesty

This is not an attempt to quote scripture on whether or not Christians should be involved in politics instead this is simply my way of trying to understand why often Christians who are involved in politics seem to call upon God only at their convenience.

On March 8th I will be posting as many articles as I get on women who are  making or have made a positive impact in their communties!!  Feel free to send me something on a Caribbean woman you know.

http://www.womenasagentsofchange.org/blog/guardian-100-women/

Lights, Camera, Action!! Wait! Are you wearing the right costume?

We are “profiled” by everyone whether they want to term it as that or not and whether we want to accept it or not; quite frankly it is human nature. Classic example boy/girl is asked: what is the first thing you look for in a potential mate, our answer most times- personality. Really now? I used to laugh at this answer but