10 toxic types you shouldn’t date
By Dave Singleton
...
Five toxic male archetypes for women to avoid:
1. Peter Pan. At first, you’re confused; he’s over 30 and (physically, at least) looks his age. And yet, there’s something about him that reads “college dorm” and “secretly wearing green tights beneath his Dockers.” You’ve found Mr. “I’ll never grow up,” otherwise known as Peter Pan — someone who can handle the superficial issues life throws at him, but don’t dig too deep looking for a strong connection, commitment, or an equally mature partnership from him. Toxicity permeates the relationship when you’re the only one who stays grounded, spinning your wheels, and wondering why you can’t land him the way you’d hoped to while he flies off to Neverland again. He’s fun, but if you think that will translate into a long-term relationship, you’re only kidding yourself.
Related: Is he the wrong man for you?
2. El Cheapo Grande. You’ve met this cheap chap before, haven’t you? He’s the one who seems intent on getting together, so he asks you out — and then zeroes in on the cost of everything (and the value of nothing) throughout your date. His toxicity isn’t just a fixation on the financial aspects of dating, though. It’s a flawed character trait — his cheapness goes deep, straight to the core of who he is inside. He’s as stingy with genuine affection as he is with the dollars he doesn’t want to spend. He’ll make you feel inconsiderate, too — as if you’re some kind of greedy spendthrift intent on bankrupting him. But dating doesn’t require anyone to pay a small fortune; there are plenty of ways to enjoy a person’s company and treat someone special without breaking the bank. He just hasn’t learned that.
3. Mr. Egomaniac. He’s just so smart, isn’t he — and if you have any questions about just how brilliant he is, he’ll be the first person to happily remind you. And yes, he’s also confident, so there’s a good reason why you’re drawn to him initially. As educated and successful as he may be, he’s missing a normal person’s sensitivity and empathy chips — you know, the ones that actually make you consider other people’s feelings before you speak and take a genuine interest in their lives? He usually talks non-stop, as if “conversation” is just the waiting period he must endure while you’re speaking and he’s catching his breath before resuming his soliloquy. He’s a know-it-all who’s always right and willing to shoot you down to prove his point. You’ll sense the effects of his toxicity when you start to feel boring and worthless in his company. Recognize that his egomania has absolutely nothing to do with you — then run.
Related: Are you dating a player?
4. The Control Freak. At first, you might think: Oh, he’s attentive. That’s nice. Next thing you know, this emotional micromanager places every word and move of yours under the kind of intense scrutiny that’s more worthy of a panel evaluating Ph.D. candidates than a romantic tête-á-tête. You begin to second-guess yourself about everything from what to order for dinner (sugar is a no-no if he’s a health fanatic) to date-night entertainment (he’ll never embrace your movie choices) to interacting with his family and friends (he’ll tell you what to wear, say, and do without even blinking). Being under his thumb starts out cozily enough, but soon stifles every aspect of your individuality.
5. King of the (Eternally) Brokenhearted. His vulnerability seems appealing when he admits his attraction to you, but there’s also a distance there that you can’t quite put your finger on. He tells you that he broke up with a woman months or years earlier, and he’s still struggling to move forward emotionally. He expects lots of understanding from you, along with plenty of space and no pressure — you know, to speed up the healing process? But in fact, he’s still hung up on the woman (or more likely, women) he dated before you. You’ll never live up to or trump the ex(es). He wants you to fall for him (hey, he craves the attention!), so he’s sporadically charming while becoming increasingly distant, which makes you feel even more confused about your relationship status. A word to the wise: Speed through that state of confusion as if you’re flying down a highway toward a much better, less narcissistic destination.
Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Visit his website, follow him on Twitter, or email him.
Article courtesy of Match.com.
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